Tis the Season… For Catalogs

When the holiday season rolls around I expect to get a few more catalogs. They seem to run from the moderately useful (If I was desperate for a gift for someone and didn’t know how to use the internet or get to a mall.). These include places like Harry and David and the desperate Christmas shopper’s final stop: Brookstone.

And then there are the absolutely ridiculous ones. I’m talking about the stuff that no one ever buys. Or someone does, because these places still seem to be in business year after year. I just don’t know anyone who does buy from them. At least I’ve never met anyone who admitted to a purchase from one. Like The Lillian Vernon Catalog… Really? Does anyone need a toilet roll holder that congratulates you on a job well done?

Or the ones with ludicrously expensive junk. Or better yet, the ones that combine the two in some odd synergistic confluence of crap. We received one of these yesterday. The Scully & Scully catalog. I’d never heard of them before, but man, there’s some insane stuff in there.

Here, let me show you:

Meissen Porcelain Monkey Orchestra
All yours for just $14,883 (not including shipping and handling.)

That’s right, if you read the caption above, this beautiful set of monkeys playing instruments can be yours for only $14,883 not including shipping and handling. Oh, and that’s only if you buy one music stand to go with the conductor. That a little too much for you? Well, each monkey is actually sold individually. Let’s start with the cheapest of the lot to start our collection (not including the music stand.). That would be the triangle playing monkey. How much, you ask? Only $1750.

What is that? More than two weeks salary for most people for a triangle playing monkey? Totally worth it right? I mean, if you’re pulling down about 46 grand a year in this economy why not splurge on a simian virtuoso for yourself or a loved one. You’d be stupid not to…

What, still don’t believe me? OK, here’s the rest of that picture with the accompanying prices:

Pricing for Our Primate Concerto and Friends

Check out those prices!

I wasn’t kidding. Are there really that many millionaires that have nothing better to do with their money than buy this? This!?! I know this is America and we buy some useless and pointless stuff. I myself am guilty of buying some really stupid things. God knows I didn’t need the Fallout 3 Deluxe Edition with lunchbox and Fallout Boy bobble head… but that was $90 and I got a game that I played for almost 100 hours.

I don’t even know why we got their catalog. My wife and I may earn a pretty good living, but certainly not in the range to have the disposable income required for this level of stupidity.

So that only leaves me with one question… it’s almost a riddle really. Who’s smart enough to earn the money required for purchasing this, but stupid enough to actually buy it? Have an answer? Please let me know.

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